Word After Word

I was at my friend L’s house and L. was explaining all the photographs on the wall. I was intrigued. I love being in other people’s lives, knocking around, looking, learning more about every little thing. L said, “Oh in this one I’m so fat.” I have said this very thing many times. L didn’t look fat at all—the opposite. Shining, happy, confident—I would have never thought fat when I looked at the photo. L wouldn’t have said this about anyone else in any other photo. Why are we allowed to say ugly things about ourselves? How can we stop doing this?

I can hear it when other people do it—it’s so surprising, outlandish, and wrong. When I do it, it sounds like normal. But this is my practice for the week (see PRACTICE). Pema Chodron Plus Program. I’m going to try not to say anything to myself I wouldn’t say about another person’s photograph, or to their face. I’m going to look for the thing I like, and say those out loud. I know it will feel stupid. I also suspect this may be the only way to become kinder to others, more generous, less judgmental. If it resolves insomnia, too, I will let you know!

The next morning: I have already said these things. I can’t imagine saying any of them to another person:

1. Don’t answer the phone. Pretend you aren’t home.

2. You have been so lazy this summer—your book should be done by now.

3. Your problem is you sleep in every morning. How about getting up earlier? Real writers are up.

4. You are dying of a terrible disease. They will never find out what it is. You are so screwed.

And many more….too many to list here!