Word After Word

At the Japanese restaurant the other night, a young woman in a white shirt at a large table of people said “Hello, Heather” and I had no idea who she was. I asked her and she said “It’s Lauren.”

 

“That’s funny,” I said. A few months ago, I recognized Lauren in a spectacular genius faceblind-compensatory triumph. I’d figured her out from the back, as she was walking to work, using my great sleuthing powers.

 

I think both of us thought after that stunning identification, I’d always know Lauren.

 

Face blindness doesn’t work that way.  This two-facedness aspect of the disorder one of the hardest parts of the whole thing. It makes me crazy. In some contexts I will know Lauren, in others not. The disorder is inherently unreliable. It’s like a person you would never have as a friend but have to take with you everywhere you go.

 

I told her Lauren I was bummed. She said, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. It’s okay.”

 

It is and isn’t.

 

I lie awake in the middle of the night, reviewing my day, wondering who all I have walked past, blown off? I’m tormented by this.

 

*

 

Suzanne, my mail carrier, told me a story about a man who wore a nametag that said his name and asked everyone to say who they were, too.

 

I love this man.