Word After Word

We want more time to write.

Let’s say we get four months off work, unpaid, but our job is held for us, and we have health benefits during the four months. Time for writing, for real, finally.

I am nearing the fourth month of this very program and at dinner last night with the beautiful poet, D., single mother of three, I told her how hard it’s been to write, because so much in the world rushed in during these four months: family crises, illnesses, a legal nightmare, more illnesses, more illnesses, corruption, evil, and more illnesses! D said, “I’m buying dinner.” (So D.)

But I think I’ve gotten the same amount of writing done as if I’d had no crises. In four months of perfect writing weather I can see I would have been blocked a lot, wandering to little towns nearby, worrying about all the great literature I’ve never read, feeling like I should really be reading hard books before I pen another syllable, who do I think I am? Many days of a good clear writing life are spent seeding those clouds.

D. thinks so too. She said, “I think we get more writing done, of better quality, when we have to fight to carve out the time.” 

I have so much, so many privileges, so many benefits. Such a nice sofa, such a quiet new fridge, such a fantastic hound, fast bicycle, loving friends. Letters from readers, letters from the Bug at Boot Camp. Lucky, lucky girl. So I’ve had to will myself to concentrate on writing these months—it’s been the hardest thing I’ve done in a long, long time. I’ve missed a lot of days of working. But fighting so hard to keep Badness from getting any more of my precious writing days, my days—it’s been energizing and strengthening and clarifying.  When things are running smoothly in life, I’m not sure I realize, always, how important it is that the work be kept alive, contact made, sustained. I’m not sure I realize that I know how to carve out ten minutes or an hour—when things are cheery, I believe in my own distractions, I take them as real.  When things are wretchedly difficult, I see how to insist. With something to push against, I work harder; I refuse to give in easily and not write.