Word After Word

In a child’s life the difference between right and wrong is straightforward, yes no simple. Child’s morality is as clear and defined as a crayon drawing. Things are outlined, not layered, not nuanced.

In an adult life, yes, it’s always clear, right versus wrong, but it’s much, much more complex. Moral adult life is a painting, not stick figures. An outline for moral choice is no longer enough. You have to look—look, look, look—for a long time. And mistakes—some you aren’t going to see right away. Some you won’t see with out years of study, maybe special tools. In a painting, as in adult morality, mistakes can be painted over. They can be incorporated into the final product. They are layers. They are richness. They are, sometimes, what gives the painting part of its depth and resonance, shadowy outlines of what might have been, a wrong direction, something poorly realized or badly executed. Few paintings, and few adult lives, are free of this building-up process. It’s called learning. It’s real work.

Our religious lives, should we choose them, are able to shape our learning/building-up/layering/ living process. Here’s the thing: a quality religious life doesn’t simplify the moral questions. A useful religious life takes into account desire. Our human-ness. An adult religious life doesn’t pretend we are children. A religious life is a way of training the eye—to see the shapes and developments that lead to creating a beautiful, moral self, to see the directions that lead one to not what one wants or intends. A religious life may not prevent our mistakes but with a wise, good, quality one, we may at least be able to do some art history, and see the making of a self for what it is: messy, mistaken, practicing, trying, going off in the wrong direction.  

My students are dealing with desire. I remind them of something a wise friend told me: empires have toppled because of desire. No need to simplify or reduce this powerful overwhelming part of us to something it isn’t.

I am dealing with Two Bad Girls who see their destructive acts, their thieving, their lies and poaching as Heroic Acts. If I prosecute them, they become firmer in their certainty. My desires for justice are complex and confusing. Their desires to win are toppling all of us. How I decide what to do – it’s overwhelming me right now. Every one says “do this” and “you must do that.” They mean well. They mean to say: this is not right and it should be different. I’m lost in the

Fortunately, there’s a map from the sixteenth century that is very applicable. I’m finding my way through by pouring over Hieronymus Bosch paintings. The new volume has dozens of super close ups, so you can really look the demons in their faces, asses. It’s all there. I’m finding his work very “relatable.” [See Relatable post.]

Conviction isn’t religious. Looking harder longer is.

And, more mistakes will be made. Many, many, many, many, many more. (This is how we end up with poetry. We need countless maps.)